What do you do when you fall down?

Howdy Folks! 


I can't believe all of this time has passed and I'm back at square one.  To catch you all up to speed, basically I've spent the past year and a half or really two years putting my mother in a nursing home, getting rid of her assets, moving her things into little corners of my apartment and my partners house because I just don't have the heart to throw them out on her and going through every scrap of paper that is related to her life from her birth certificate to her ugly divorce papers to the will she wrote over and over and through every little financial thing that was her life for the medicaid audit, dealing with doctors and lawyers and real estate people and administrators.  We're almost there sort of.  At this point the last things to take care of aside from waiting for Medicaid to approve her, in which I'm getting a Medicaid cocktail when she does and lastly the sale of her house.  


I do not regret doing the right thing because how could you not.  I am really frustrated right now though.  I didn't maintain my workouts. My music and my band suffered and I feel like I sort of lost my way.  I tried but failed and tried again and failed.  I'm trying to take one day at a time and work in small bits but it's hard.  I have some really positive co-workers who cheer me on and help to guide me which I am totally grateful for in a way that they will never really know.  It gets me through those moments.  


I do not necessarily have a specific goal right now - well, that's not true.  My goal is to not give up on myself.  I had a very long day at work because work is just nuts right now but I did hook my bike up to the trainer and ride 90 RPMS per minute for 25 minutes (rotations per minute).  


I've probably had a ton of inspiration around me but just can't see it right now and I'll forgive myself for that.  The thing I'm holding on to, even though I do not necessarily feel it in my heart, is this:


Many years ago I was watching and Adventure Race on TV.  The race consisted of teams made up of 4 people which had to have at least one person of the opposite sex and they had to travel from point A to point B over some of the worst terrain in the globe with various types of weather conditions.  There were check points they had to get to by a certain time or they would be disqualified and each leg of the race had to be completed with a different sporting expertise such as mountaineering, fixed ropes, mountain biking, kayaking, horseback, you get the picture.  The race lasted for days.  Some of them last for 5 or 10 - I don't remember the specifics of this one but either number of days it is a brutal, brutal sport.  Last detail is if you need medical assistance then your team is disqualified - ps people do die doing these sort of events.  


There was a team that needed medical assistance.  They were disqualified in the middle of the race.  What did they do?  They carried on.  They wanted to cross the finish line together.  On one part of the race, the one male on this team nearly collapsed.  At that very time a message was sent from his four year old son.  The message said, "What do you do when you fall down?"  and the answer so simple and so true, "You get up!"


I'm really really tired.  I've been really really sad and literally just miserable but I'm going to get up again.  I will fall down and get back up.  Join me on this new journey and let's see where it goes. 


See you all soon!  Shane